Returning to The Mat
December rushes in after Thanksgiving boasting holiday cheer, brisk winds, and a lengthy list of To Dos. My mind flits down avenues of errands creating checklists and pouncing on projects. Just as I realize my shoulders are pinned up to my ears my heart is already racing and my fingers clenching into a ball. With great conscious effort I exhale my posture into an effortful-relaxed state. Immediately I start in on myself; the Great Interrogator is up to bat. How could I have gotten off track so far? Aren’t I more practiced and grounded than this? What is wrong with me!?
As I lick my wounds, my mind continues to cast lines of thoughts into all directions pulling me into action despite exhaustion. Depleted, I find myself at a warm vinyasa class and onto my mat I go saying a quick apology to myself for the time lapse in practice. During the class I grind through layers of resistance and beat down as much self-deprecating thinking as I can replacing it with love and gratitude. At the end, I fall asleep in Shavaasana. It could have been a three-hour nap for all I was aware. I wake up somewhere in the middle of time disoriented yet fully conscious. This simple state provides a window to one empowering thought: I am creating everything in the reality or the dream within which I awake. It is with this one thought that I start to direct my mind and body towards a more satvic, balanced state.